My Benadryl Serves as an Antidepressant
My mother says
we should never
beg for love
but this isn’t the first
time I find myself
on bloodied knees
for you.
I take these pills
to forget the life
that God has
bestowed
upon his little
miracle child—
me.
A miracle
wrapped
in a skinner’s skin
& trembling hands
A hallelujah whispered
between my breaths
of sorrow.
I swallow sleep
to silence the
oldest church hymns
I no longer
believe in.
The grey fog comes
with its promise of oblivion
softening the edges of a world
that cuts like the sharpest
kitchen knife.
I build the finest cathedrals
out of empty capsules,
stack them like prayers
I’m now too tired
to say.
My mother says
we should never
beg for love
but I’ve learned
it’s the only way
to remember
how to feel
alive.
*
(Poem is from My God’s Been Silent, the debut poetry collection from Darius Phelps, upcoming from Writ Large Press)