I love the sunsets here. Orange smothers red and pink and i think if i died here i would be okay with that and wouldnt feel guilt. The thing about csssa is it changes you and you have to let it change you and i miss it so much it hurts like this aching in my stomach and chest everywhere it feels like dying i miss csssa last year and i will miss it this year. The thing about missing is i dont realize how much i will need it until it is gone and time ran out and i cant breathe and i am going to miss it. Girl with blond hair and green eyes and sweatshirts sleeves draping on the floor when i walk and i miss the color of your skin and the color of your eyes and your body. I feel like i cant write good today and i was told not to use “and” so much so shit thats my bad. It is to early to want to drown in the pool outside the dorms and i wish i lived closer so i could walk in through the woods behind the driveway in the back of chouinard and we can fall into the pool and melt down the drains and i love the swinging chairs by the pool and this song we play every year. “She” by frank ocean and dont ask me why but it sits carved in stone under the stairs in the main gallery and i dont think i use adjectives in my writing but fuck im not sure. I dont know how much i can possibly miss it but two lives here, one in class and being born again in the space between my fingerprints on the keyboard and another life outside the dorms in my room and with the people. I think my roommate hates me. Carved dust into the fake wooden floor of the room that i will slip on when the bottom of my feet are wet after the shower. I get out and i shower too late sometimes which keeps her up and she glares at me when i walk in. I dont know how to leave and i dont know how to remember. I havent been able to live without my skin. In my memories i dont have skin.

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(Featured image is from Pexels, used under CC0 license)

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