THE (SOMETIMES NOT SO) GREAT “I AM”

I still believe there’s somewhere to get to

I want an all-illuminating light from above

To show me the whole journey, all at once

I want to see where I’m going

I know that any destination is a mirage

I know that I can drive from here to New York at night

Only seeing the tiny patch of road

That my headlights show me

I’m just scared

When I feel self-propelled

The fear grows and grows

Until it engulfs me

I forget all of that shit about the present
moment being the only destination that matters

I forget that I am made of stardust

I forget that within sixty days of my dying

The atoms that make up this body

Will have spread so far and wide

That any handful of air

Anywhere in the world

Will contain particles previously known as “Me”

I forget that every breath I take

Contains the last breath Sylvia Plath exhaled into her oven

I forget

over

and over

and over again

That the steam
which provides the Power to get this choo-choo train
up the hill

Does not come from my efforts

I am not the source of the steam

I am a conduit through which its Power flows

I am a manifestation of the spirit of the universe

I am a drop in the ocean of all that is