one minus one equals zero

 
by Semi Jung
10/31/24

to my grandmother, because i know the choice was never yours:
please choose the word or phrase that best completes the sentence.

in the worst possible scenarios,
there is silence.

when a tree knows there is no one around to save it
it falls silently
to the forest floor’s cool, (final embrace / salivating tongue).
when a car sees the approaching glass and wide eyes of man
and knows there is no way to save (its passengers / its captors)
it does not honk for the last time.

sound is a more frequent visitor of less-worse scenarios,
wherein a glimmer of hope and a will to stay alive
coalesce into (a scream / a sob / a final plea / anything).

so when you dropped without a sound
to the glossy wood floor of (your kitchen / your prison)
tell me—
was it because you believed no one would come?

*

to my grandfather, because i know those choices were always yours:
allow me to indicate for you whether the following statements are true or false.

1. true or false: i am the toxic byproduct of this world’s greatest love story.
2. true or false: i am the ugly colors of my mother and father tangled up
     and warped and smashed and hit into a human being.
3. true or false: that is why you cannot poke your ghostly fingers
     in my face, grandpa, and command me to cry like you
     commanded me to sing a song or play you mozart, because
4. true or false: nitrogenous bases are terrible keepers of secrets,
     and by entrusting them with your impassiveness,
     you should have known it would one day travel across
     worlds and bodies and cells to reside in me.
5. true or false: you taunt us daily, repeatedly hop the invisible line
     between life and death, back and forth, time and time
     again, the words of your colonizers’ military anthem spilling
     from your blue lips and hijacked mind while i wonder
     and wonder and wonder and i am wondering
     where i should search for you when you’re gone—
     because i don’t know if you were kind enough for heaven or
     wicked enough for hell, so instead your wraith must be in
     your hometown, wandering the length of the beach
     we visited that spring day, your sins tethering you to the sand.
6. true or false: still
     the thought of our separation was one
     that once pulled tears from my eyes
     and i think that is proof enough that i loved you.

answer key: 1) true 2) true 3) true 4) true 5) true 6) ?

***

(This piece is part of our yearlong series called Heart Beets that features the work of a group of teen writers, giving us a glimpse into their journey through the school year.)