Too Much of Myself

response to Whitman’s “Song of Myself”

I exist as I am, that is enough
You will no longer reduce me to tears
Because your weak ego
Cannot handle my greatness.

I shall cry waterfalls today
And then laugh powerful soundwaves tomorrow
Because I value my happiness more than my pain
While you never valued my being at all.

I am the poet of the Body and I am the poet of the Soul
I branded myself into your skin like all your tattoos
And I became the anima to your psyche
But I guess I was the ink stain on which you did laser surgery.

I am the girl you complain you need
Supportive, loving, and thoughtful
And while I gave you the best of me

I sustained myself on even the worst of you.
I am of old and young, of the foolish as much as the wise
Only 19 but I feel like 19 to the power of two
Old enough to know better but too young to realize
That I was just too convenient for you.

So now I reminisce back to when I was 8
When heartbreaks were myths and romance non-existent
And the most horrible pain I knew
Were the wounds on my knees from falling.

But now the wounds on my knees are different
And while they remain from falling, it was a dissimilar drop
The one that made me want to please you because I liked you
While you took advantage of my naivety.

9 months wasted on a dead-end “relationship”
Impregnated me with the idea that you wanted more
And when I delivered it
That’s when you decided to leave.

I stuck by you through it all
In health and in sickness
In poorer and richer
In high and sober.

And now it is 12:20am
On a Monday night/Tuesday morning
And I am crying and writing
Because I now know that it truly is over.

Most people did not understand
How I lasted so long
But the truth is I loved you
So, it never felt that wrong.

You were the biggest smile on my face
And the wettest tears in my eyes
Which is why in this homework assignment
I shall say all my goodbyes.

I am the poet of the woman the same as the man
Because despite my sadness, I understand
That you too must live and be happy
Even if it’s not with me.

Thank you for the memories
Thank you for the lessons
I will now take a different path
And leave you in the past.