Proximity

 
my bed has been made
and now i must lay in it
With your back facing away from mine

i realize i may not be the love of your life,
or even a simple puppy love.
the type that children experience in their tentative years,
when they are newly minted and immortal.
So therefore they will marry tomorrow during recess

i have suffocated myself with your presence.
only daring to breathe when you breathe.
only having the audacity to exist when you allow me to
i have suffocated myself a million times over.
just so our breaths can sync into one.

i am stupid.
i am not naive.
So I will settle with the ghost of your love
Because something is always better than nothing
You wipe my tears with the same hand you have stricken me with
and i think to myself
That having been loved once
Is always better than never being loved at all.

You tell me i have gained weight
so, i broke the mirror.
shards of glass fall to the floor
drenched in the blood stemming from my soles
i pick one up and etch in the canvas of my own skin
And i take out my organs
One
By
One
i begin with my lungs
Then follows my kidneys
And i have left my heart for last

i serve my organs on a silver platter for you to feast on.
And yet it is still not enough.

*

This a series of writings from members of The 309 Collective, a group made up of 11 teen poets, writers, musicians & artists. Follow them on their Instagram: @the309collective