What do you do when the person you are falling for knows the wine list better than the waiter, and your budget for the month is already half spent? Booking the restaurant they would pick and paying for it on a credit card works for a month or two, until the statements start to arrive.
The Price of a Gift
In 2009 Francis Flynn of Stanford University and Gabrielle Adams studied how the price of a gift relates to the gratitude it brings. Givers in their studies expected a higher price to bring more gratitude, while recipients showed little connection between what a gift cost and how much they appreciated it.
The same gap appeared with engagement rings. Among newly married couples, men believed a costlier ring would bring more appreciation, while women’s appreciation was only weakly linked to the price they thought had been paid. The authors’ advice to givers was to spend effort on choosing a thoughtful gift. A partner with expensive tastes is likely to remember a plan built around what they enjoy.
Novel Activities for Couples
Couples report more satisfaction after doing something new together. In a series of studies published in 2000, the psychologist Arthur Aron and colleagues asked couples to complete a short task together in the lab. Couples who spent 7 minutes on a novel and physically demanding task, which involved moving an object across a room while tied together at the wrist and ankle, reported larger gains in relationship quality afterwards than couples who did a dull version of the same task.
Surveys in the same paper found that couples who did more new and stimulating things together also reported higher satisfaction. Novelty can cost very little. A walk through an unfamiliar neighbourhood, a free gallery evening or a first attempt at a new cuisine all count as new. The authors linked the effect to boredom, since the couples who reported more shared novelty also reported feeling less bored in the relationship, and boredom is something a small budget can address as well as a large one.
Relationship Choices and Early Conversations
Two people who agree on what kind of relationship they want can usually work out other differences between them. The options range from dating a sugar baby to a slow path toward marriage or a casual relationship that ends with the summer, and each one starts from different assumptions about how often two people meet and how soon they meet each other’s friends.
Settling that question in the first few dates spares both people weeks of guessing about where things are heading.
Cheaper Hours at Good Restaurants
Statistics Canada reported that prices for food bought from restaurants in Canada were 5.1% higher in March 2024 than a year earlier, and 4.3% higher in April. Prices dipped in December 2024, falling 1.6% year over year during the temporary federal tax break on restaurant meals, but most of the earlier increases remained.
Timing is the simplest way to eat well for less. Many restaurants with expensive dinner menus offer lunch menus or early-evening set menus at a lower price, from the same kitchen. Sharing two starters and one main, or going for dessert and a glass of wine at a place you could not afford for a full dinner, gives a partner with expensive tastes the setting they enjoy at a fraction of the cost.
Money Spent on Outings
People who spend money on doing things tend to report more lasting satisfaction than people who spend it on owning things. In a 2003 study, the psychologists Leaf Van Boven and Thomas Gilovich asked 1,279 American adults about purchases they had made to make themselves happier. Asked which had done more for their happiness, 57% named a purchase made to do something, such as a trip or a concert, and 34% named a material one, such as clothing or jewellery.
The researchers suggested that outings and trips are more closely tied to identity and are easier to share with other people, and that people keep retelling them long after the money is spent. In a follow-up in the same paper, students who were asked to think about a trip or an outing they had paid for reported better moods than students asked to think about a material purchase. A couple on a limited budget can put most of it toward one memorable outing a month and keep the other evenings simple.
Talking About Money Early
Beliefs about who should pay for dates vary widely. A study led by the psychologist David Frederick at Chapman University, presented in 2013 and published in 2015, surveyed more than 17,000 people about dating costs. In it, 64% of men said women should contribute to dating expenses, and 57% of women said they offered to help pay. The picture was mixed, because 39% of women said they hoped the man would turn the offer down, and 44% of men said they would stop dating a woman who never paid.
Many people who enjoy fine food or good clothes are happy to split a bill or cook at home most nights, and the only way to find out is to ask. In a 2017 YouGov poll of American adults, 15% said the cost of a first date should be split equally and 9% said each person should pay for their own order. Saying plainly that you are saving for something, or that you prefer to keep weekday plans cheap, gives the other person a chance to suggest ideas of their own.
The conversation is easier on the second or third date than after months of quiet overspending. It also shows something about the relationship itself, because a partner who responds well to a frank comment about money is likely to respond well to other frank comments too.
Expensive Tastes on a Modest Budget
Dating someone with expensive tastes on a budget means spending on attention, novelty and the occasional memorable outing, and spending very little on everything else. In practice that can mean one concert a month and lunch at the restaurant they love, along with a frank word early about what you can afford.
Photo: Jep Gambardella via Pexels
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